Nicolette Ripepi

A DAY JUST TO HERSELF!

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
 – Maya Angelou

Nicolette’s Story

My mother was a single parent from when I was about 7 years of age around the time my dad passed away. So my childhood memories are a little bit fuzzy, but I do remember that my dad was a very handsome man.  He was soft spoken and gentle.  My mom on the other hand, was the disciplinarian.  I also remember dad speaking up for us when we were due for a hiding.  A gentleman he was, and, he had a bike, and would take my brother and me on bike rides… (Here she smiles and her eyes beam with fondness of those memories).

I remember Mom was a very good baker, and she cooked well.  Sundays was our best meal times: – I remember her chocolate cake so well I can almost smell it…

Our home was a family home; a kind of safe haven for the other family members.  Now that I’m talking to you, I think we should celebrate Mom and family a little bit more than we have up to now.”

“I too, am a single parent. I have 2 children. My daughter is 18 years of age and my son, who is 14, has Autism.  In the same way that my mother ‘mothered’ my autistic brother, I am now also having to do with my son. I’ve lived in Mitchell’s Plain for most of my life.  I finished my schooling here and started to work straight after finishing what was then known as Standard 10 (now Matric).  I was married for 11 years but that ended in divorce.  However, it was an amicable divorce but we just couldn’t live together at the time.  But we remained good friends for the duration and our kids also bound us together.  When my ex-husband fell ill, I undertook to care for him until he passed away about 3 years ago. It was his illness that brought him ‘back home’ and I cared for him. {To be honest it was a really challenging and hard time for all of us}.  But, I had to go on with life and suppressed quite a few of my own emotions along the way.”  

What are you most proud of?
My childhood was not very easy but my mom used to tell us girls to be as independent as we can be’.  Although mom was working in a factory and sometimes held up 2-3 jobs just to keep us as kids alive, she provided for us and she pushed us to complete our schooling.  She would always say we should get good jobs!  She was very serious about it so she motivated us to become financially independent.  So today I am proud that I can stand on my own two feet.  And that I’m a very independent woman because of my upbringing.

I am also very proud of my children. And grateful that I’m still here!

What would you do differently if you could do it over?
I admit that I made a few lousy decisions when I was younger.  So if I could do my life over I would make better decisions as a whole and “think things through more before I just plunged in!”

Like the saying goes ‘If you do know better you can do better’. Thinking skills was never taught to us back in my days.  Our parents did the best they could with their set of circumstances.  So in hindsight I would definitely make better decisions!

Which teacher impacted you at school?
In Primary School I remember there was Miss Fisher who was my Std. 3 Class Teacher.  She would always take extra time to make me understand my work, and in hindsight I think she just tried to motivate me to not become ‘part of the crowd and be influenced by them’.  And in High School it was Mrs Saban, my English Teacher who would try to push me to do better.  I guess they saw some potential in me that I didn’t.  So I want to thank them today for their contributions, after always being in my corner back then.

What do you want the world to know about you?
I think I am perceived as a very hard type of person. But what I want the world to know is that even when the odds are stacked against you, you must try to push through it!  With God as your anchor know that we all have a purpose to achieve in this life.  I also would like people to know that things don’t’ always come easy, so we should not have a sense of entitlement.  Just work hard and be honest! 
I had a few near-death experiences, but God kept me.  I’m still standing and very grateful to be alive.  I also want people to know that I have a very high-maintenance special needs child whom I love dearly, and I know I made it this far only by the Grace of God.  So if I should die tomorrow, people must know that ‘I fought the good fight until the end’.

Despite my daily challenges I feel much younger than my actual, biological age.  I have a very positive mindset and an achiever’s mentality.

What would a perfect day look like?
“A perfect day would be where I could spend some time alone, in a quiet space and have an undisturbed cup of coffee and ‘just BE’.  I know that I’m a bit sleep deprived and so it will be wonderful to have some well-deserved sleep.  And to watch a movie!  I don’t know when last I watched a good movie!  Or to just have a nice relaxing pamper session with a mani/pedi, and maybe read a good book.  That’s my wish list for now.”

However as a single parent she gets up every morning and ‘tackles life head on!’ Most days she has to be in two places at one time, as she keeps a very hectic schedule. Her phone is constantly beeping reminding her of her next meeting. She is an avid advocate for children living with Autism and their families, and she does so without missing a beat!   She doesn’t want to linger much on regrets – if any.  She candidly admits that in hindsight she would have liked to have made better life decisions when she was younger.  And she also acknowledges that she has neglected her own needs in the process of daily life, and wishes for a day where she can just have…A DAY JUST TO HERSELF!

[At the time of this blog she was presenting at Pan-African conference in Kenya on Autism in the Western Cape.  In March she came back from a world conference on Autism that was held in Texas USA as a representative for South Africa. We look forward to catch up with her again to find out more about those outcomes!]

She has overcome many obstacles, and we salute her resilience as a strong, beautiful but pliable Woman and single parent, who is not afraid to show her vulnerability to the world. But make no mistake…this occasional show of vulnerability should in no wise be mistaken for weakness.  She is a Lioness….hear her roar!